On August 30th, 2017, I had the Vertical Gastric Sleeve procedure done. The first two months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I went from being so excited that I had the surgery to feeling a little discouraged because I was always comparing myself to others.
I created an Instagram page to help get the support from others in the community and also help others. After creating Instagram, I stayed on it all day every day. Looking at different peoples’ progress was so inspirational to me before the surgery. After the operation instead of finding inspiration, I found myself comparing myself to others. Instead of feeling good, I would get on Instagram and feel like I was failing or defeated because I didn’t lose as much weight as others in the first month. I found myself constantly comparing myself. So, I had to decide to get off Instagram and focus on myself and my journey because I can’t help anyone else if I have never focused on myself. Once I started focusing on myself, I started feeling 100% better.
People around me are starting to notice that I am getting smaller. I am starting to get the “You look like your losing weight” comments. When I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror. I still see that 260lb girl looking back at me. Every morning I always hope to see the changes, but I never do. Now when I go through my day and look at each body part, I see the changes. While I am putting on my pants or putting on lotion and I look at my thighs, they are starting to look smaller. If I have heels on and I walk past a mirror, I see that my legs are a little more toned and my calve muscles are starting to become more defined. My watches are fitting looser, and I understand that my wrists are getting smaller. Lastly, I see my fingers are a little less chunky after I get my nails done. These moments throughout the day is what keeps me on track. Those moments remind me why I am going on this journey. It helps me always find my strength to continue stepping outside my comfort zone and trying and doing new things. Who would have thought I do enjoy working out?
Before surgery, it was a struggle for me to get up and work out. Now I do look forward to my exercise session. It’s become my therapy session. I am learning to take my anger, fear, confusion, or hurt out in whatever workout I am doing. In the end, I may be tired as hell, but I feel emotionally rejuvenated.
As I bring this blog to a close despite the emotional rollercoaster…. I still do not regret the surgery one bit. I wouldn’t change it for the world. The surgery has given me the jump start I needed to get my physical, emotional, and spiritual health in order. I am not where I want to be, but I am a lot closer than I was, and it’s all because of the surgery.